Page 97 Prints All The News Before l.t Happens May 4, 1920
I·CKY OUT Huge
DAD·DY'S
Crater Our Moderator
IN Found On Campus
Student protests, RAG editorials,
and the Student Oligarchy
have resulted in a
change of food services at Fairfield.
Sicky has been replaced
by Daddy's Food Service of
Olaf, M'innessota.
John Deere, Maintenance director,
believed that this organization
would give Fairfield
the quality meals needed.
Miss Cyn thia Slop, Daddy's
Serving Line Girl, models her
new wa-itress outfit.
He also revealed that new
waitresses had been hired by
Daddy's. One of them, Miss
Cynthia Slop, shown in the pic-ture
modeling her waitress outfit,
should create a friendly
atmosphere in serving the
needs of the students.
Hairy Grease, district manager,
said he "believes the ven-
Walter J. Daddy, Jr., President
of Doddy's Food Service
wonders whether llis coffee
will also win a Golden Cup
Award.
ture into Fairfield will result
into a new dimension of food
;;ervice. Our figures prove that
we have had happy customers
in the past and we should continue
to stay in that shape."
Additional Campus Security Police were needed to keep students
from going back for seconds at Daddy's first meal.
Need a nice quiet place to bring your little
brother or sister?
Can't find anywhere to meet a townie from Sludgelow?
COME TO SOLOMON-S
"If your old enough to carry money,
your old enough to have a drink
Last week a large crater was
found on the far west corner
of the campus. Discovered by
two resident assistants, Ed Grin
and Don Pizza on their nightly
rounds, they described it as "a
large hole with a lot of dirt
around it."
The campus security police
were woken up in order to rope
off t he crater area. Their organization
is now investigating
the incident. Investigator John
Buster believes this caper may
be tied in with the Cahmpion
affair
Meanwhile action has been
taken by Fr Me Rector He has
dedicated the crater to the
"Communications Gap" of the
University In his dedication
speech he said "This crater will
be a wonderful place for the
students to bring their dates
during the big weekend." He
'further stated that "This is
another prooff of Fairfield University
being innovators and
not imitators in student affairs."
The Reverend Ruff N. Ready,
takes time out from his
censor sllip duties to get a
little exercise. "Without exercise",
Father says, "life is
for naught."
This crater discovered last week by two resident assistants
is to be known as "Communications Gap."
Fr. Coughing Mo ument Erected
An eighty foot high monument
was erected Saturday at
the new University library The
monument is to enhance the
entrance of the new library
The monument, the likeness
of Father Coughing, was donateq
by Easter Island Associates
of Italy Their president,
Chucker T Badas, hoped this
donation would produce a continual
exchange of culture between
the two countries.
Mr McRector's wheel man,
Fr Curetan, said the erecting
of this monument would
coincide with the University's
Head Start program. He expressed
hope that this monument
would encourage the students,
faculty, and especially
the administration to use their
heads, no matter what shape
it is in.
Those attending the ceremonies
were Joseph Dandruff head
of Not-so-Good Relations
department, 0 scar Nohair,
sculptor of t h e monument,
G. T Outovit, chairman of
trustees, and Jitter Bottleortap
proprietor of F U.B. (Fairfield
University Bar)
This 80 ft. high likeness of Father Coughing will enhance the
entrance to the New Library.
Janua, f • ,, 1949
Faculty
Prefect
Under a new system proposed
by Professor G. Wolfgang
Braindamage, prefects will now
serve as baby-sitters for the
Faculty Wives Club meetings.
It is hoped that this system
will enable more wives to attend
the meetings and at the
same time not burden their
husband-profs with home babysitting
chores, which can cut
so heavily into preparation
time for those fine lectures.
Professor Braindamage said,
"Vat ist ezential ist dat za
kiddies vill be looked after by
za prefects who h a v e had
much eszperience in vatching
over kiddies." He went on,
"they (za prefects) ist a goot
bunch of guys to volunteer for
dis verk."
All the Wives of the Faculty
have enjoyed this service so
far and have said it is helping
to foster communcations
and dialogue between them and
their husbands.
The Reverend McRector has
said, This is another example
of Fairfield's being innovators
and not immitators."
Professor G. Wolfgang Brain·
damage who originated the
idea of having baby-sitters
at the meetings. Unfortunate·
Jy, for some unlmown reason,
he is considered to be a
"hwnpty-dumpty" by most of
his students.
THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR
FR. 0. E. NICKERDAUGHTER,
THE RAG Page !52
Wives To Get
Baby-Sitters
sPoRTs
P3RS0NALITY
The wives of the faculty can now enjoy themselves at their
meetin~rs knowing that their little darlings are in the capable
hands of the University's prefects.
Having a party?
A bridge club meeting
women's club outing?
Need baby-sitting facilities?
dance hall?
room for wedding receptions, showers, e.tc.
COME TO THE CAMPUS CENTER!
(Designed especially for you, and best of all its free)
Y.S.A.E. Com~es To FU
Sol Grabska '67
This week's Sports Personality
is Sol Grabska, .senior cocaptain
of the baseball team.
Through the years Sol has
shown his class spirit by maintaining
simultaneously a .067
batting average and a 0.67
Q.P.A.
His coach, C. MacDonald
Schnook, says that Solomon is
a "good boy" and "if he keeps
his grades up he will make the
major leagues someday "
Sol is a left fielder and a
catcher, but has played in many
positions. The RAG is sure that
his keen eye and quick hands
will be an asset to him in the
future.
EAT AT THE B. B.C.
Socialist Group
Under the able direction of
Mr Walter J Petty, Jr., alias
"HA'RYOUACT Pete," alias
"the Pink Bomber," Young Socialists
Against Everything, the
Y.S.A.E., has formed a chapter
here at good old Fairfield U
At first there was some doubt
as to whether or not the new
group would align themselves
with any particular na tiona! organization.
Under consideration
was the NAACP, Never Arrest
Campus
Adam Clayton Powell, SNCC,
the Student Narrow-minded Coordinating
Committee, and the
YIC, with its affiliate, SOVIET,
Students On Voting Integration
Everywhere Today
The Y.S.A.E. will also concern
itself with campus issues.
Its student spokesman, James
De Frozen said "we first want
to force the administration,
peacefully of course, to do away
with classes, examinations, and
grades. Only then can we have
time for "free-thought," picketing,
and whatever else people
do to foster love in the world."
The next meeting will be in
front of Gonzaga Hall, on the
grass, to decide what to do
about campus athletics interfering
with "marches."
Cha11ter members of the Fairfield University chapter of the Y.S.A.E. pose for their
first group picture.
This week's Sports Person·
ality, Sol Grabska, Coach
C. MacDonald Schnook's pride
and joy, is shown carrying
out his coach's latest com·
mand to "get on the stick.''
Believe?
W<?uld you believe that the
New Dorm will be ready for
September would you be-lieve
Decembet· well, would
you believe next September?
Would you believe that there
is a number one, ex-Army Meteorologist
hiding out on this
campus (Try "Yes")
Would you believe that two
other members <>f the History
Department will go on tour as
a coDJedy team over the suminer
as "Abbott and Costello."
June 4, 1967 THE ltA6 Page. 46 :
The Many Faces Of Co-education
J\'l.rs. 0. Boy, the mother of a middle·class, white, suburban, mediocre,
ugly Catholic daughter, is elated at the 1>rospect of Fairfield becoming
a coeducational Institution. Said Mrs. Boy, "I've always wanted my
daughter to have a J esuit education and meet someone who will take her
off my hands, I mean, meet a nice boy. The man I married was educated
by the Jesuits and except for the fact that he converted to Hinduism,
he's been a fine husband.
An unidentified, but very transferable Molly College sophomore get8
the ear of a member of the Board of Trustees, obviously trying to per·
suade him to vote "yes" 'N& th8 eoeducatlon question.
If Fairfield goes coed it will, of course, need a House Mother for
the Girls' Dormitory. MISS Willimena Stoppem, a local resi·
dent for over 87 years, is the prime candidate for the job.
MISS Stoppem was a House Mother at the University of
Bridgeport for 45 years and during that time killed or critically
wounded over 27,000 would·be 'panty-raiders."
Just in case we dO go co·ed, :Stags," ·WAT'CH IT:
Page 81
A Quickie
Rag GJitoria/
Earlier this year the
STAG (that other paper)
wrote an editorial against
coeducation. Although we,
The RAG, like girls, we
must sympathize with the
STAG's stand. Our main
concern as a major medium
of campus intellectuality
is to put out a good
newspaper. If girls came to
Fairfield they would, of
course, want to become involved
in extra-curricular
activities, including student
publications. We
could hardly tolerate 5 or
6 girls working on our
paper for a year.
Have a good summer,
Stags, and make sure to
return in the Fall. And if,
when you get back, we
THE GRBAT SEAL
OF THE RAG
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should be a coeducational
institution of higher learning,
don't be alarmed. ~ots
of colleges decide to institute
h i g h e r learning
sooner or later. As for coeducation,
well, as Father
McRector has stressed so
many times, "All the manifest
ramifications of the
resultant kaleidescope always
produce moral, academic,
social, and religious
issues. In the interests of
better communications we
should, in the face of these
complex dilemmas, strive
to be innovators, not imitators."
And we all know
what he was getting at:
Don't sweat the small
stuff.
BOARD OF INQUISITION
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
Hughes Wrong
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
J immy Olsen
EDITORIAL MANAGER
Moon Mull ins
ASSOC. EDITORIAL MANAGER
Clark Ken t
BUSINESS MANAGER
Roscoe Handleb uck
SECRETARY
"Sloppy Bob" Coaler
SENIOR EDITORS
News: Jay Jay Doodles
Sports: Edward W illiams
Art: "Sneaky Pete" De Greaser
Features: I M Right
Advertising: Heavy Smolka
Circulation: Arty Hardening
Layout: Phi lip B. "Peachy" Keane
Copy: Freddy High
Photography: Tom Duckintree
ASSOCIATE EDITORS
Sports: Howard U Likeit
Features: Vinnie Curtsie
Photograpr: Mark Assi nine
\
I
l_ -- -_ -- ---·r-- -_:-~ .\
THE RAG
.. w
uNo, No, N·o, it's inn~ovators
.not i mitafrors!"
F a irfield Univer sity's many tutoring prog·rams have spr ead
the name and fame of our school to t he far corners of t he
earth.
F. U. Students
Take Lead
In Ecumenism
The symbol of the new Ecumenical
organization, the Ma·
sonic Knights of Columbus.
Fairfield students have again
taken the lead. This time it
is in the field of Ecumenism.
The w o r 1 d ' s first Masonic
Knights of Columbus lodge will
be here on our campus.
After months of negotiations,
the Knights of Columbus and
the Masons agreed to combine
into one "Christian Brotherhood."
The Fairfield Campus
was selected to be ' the experimental
site for the first lodge.
The reasons for this site were
given by the new na tional
figurehead of the organization.
The Imperial Boss-Man said
"At Fairfield you've got no Protestants
and lots of lousy
Catholics. It should be an ideal
place for t his new Ecumenical
organization."
The head of the Protestant
Coun~il of Churchgoers, the
Very .:Rt~ v·e rand Mr Cotton
Ma:thei. siU.d that all Protestan'ts
w,o'U1d-bE/ free to join. The
Pope,.· lras set up an advisory
committee to study the organization
and a guiding pronouncement
for Cat h o 1 i c s will be
forthcoming in this decade.
George Watt "68
Leaves Fairfield
George Watt shows that there
a re no hard feelings as bids
Dr . Seed and Mr . Griswald
farewell.
George Watt of the Junior
Class has decided to leave
Fairfield after an ideological
dispute with Mr Robert Kay
Griswald. The trouble arose
when George was not allowed
to have his pet monkey in his
room during Dogwood Festival.
Mr Griswald said that even
a monkey would appreciate the
Campus Center and that George
should bring her t here.
George thought t hat "Dorothy",
his monkey, should be
able to at least see his room.
He considered the ruling of Mr
Griswald to be "ridiculous" and
decided that he would leave
and try to find a more "openminded"
school.
September 20, 1948
Past Editors
Gallery To Be
Built At Pond
Sometime in the "near future",
t he Rag learned today,
t here will be a Gallery of P ast
Editors of THE RAG built near
the Hellermine P ond.
It will be built by the same
construction company who is
building "Innovator's Hall", the
New Dormitory Because of
this, erection of the Gallery
will have to wait until the dorm
is completed. Therefore, 1984
is a good target date for the
Gallery
Harry M. Halitosis III,
1st Editor
P ictures and memorabilia of
the firs t three immortal editors
of the RAG will be housed
there.
Harry M. Halitosis who was
editor during the Punic Wars
will be remembered with divers
and sundry photos as well as
his false teeth.
W. Chinky "Red" Chairman
2nd Editor.
W Chinky "Red" Chairman
will be represented by a collection
of his witty sayings
and old campaign posters. Four
"Red Guards" will stand watch
over his portion of the Gallery
Oliver Twitch, editor during
the "Immitators Era" will be
immor talized with a first class
relic of his motorcycle, and 27
pounds of his long, dark t resses,
as well as several of his
baby pictures.
Oliver Twitch, Srd Editor
