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TEENAGERS FROM MARS VISIT JULIE HALL!
The ^airfieldVJeekiy 'World. (Mdtional'Enquirer Examiner Star Sun Times
Leader Journal SentinaC (Dispatch ^[ezvs Courier Post Register Times
Herald,, Etc., Etc.
Infinity
inal 9{ezvs (Register Morron March, 30 1989 April Fool's Lampoon Issue Free, as ifyou deserved it
MARTIAN SPACE-SHIPS
LAND IN
OAKROOM
Aliens Invade FUSA Office -
And Leave Two Headed
Baby!
Exclusive pix inside!
STUDENT FALLS IN LOVE
WITH WORLD'S LARGEST
BREADSTICK -
AND MARRIES IT!
Sez friends just can't understand "crummy"
Hubie mm relationship
Staff Writer
In a surprise move that sure as heck caught me with my
pants down, Fairfield Universityjunior Chris "Buster" Brown
fulfilled his engagement obligations to a two-story Stella
Doro breadstick.
The two had been seeing
each other regularly since they met
last year at the baked goods depart-ment
of a local Shop & Spend.
Claims Buster, "I almost hate to
admit it, but she's the loaf of my
life. I've never kneaded anyone
like this before."
Both ofthe crusty lovebirds
had their share of troubles along
the way. "My parents were always
afraid that I'd make some half-baked
decision when it came to
choosing a mate," said Stella as
she picked a poppy seed off her
face, "but as long as I'm the home-maker
and he's the bread winner,
my folks should be happy."
Buster's parents were somewhat
less understanding of the hot-crossed
lovers. Their only com-ment
at press time was "Our son is
going out with a piece of bread."
The reception will be held
this Saturday at Our Lady of Per-petual
Leavening School of Culi-nary
Arts and Accounting, begin-ning
at 3:00 and continuing until
golden brown. "I'd feel like a big
heal if I didn't make her mine
while she's still hot out ofthe oven.
I think she's the greatest thing since
- well, you know what I mean."
The couple plan to spend
their honeymoon loafing around in
Puerto Rico. Afterwards, thegroom
hopes to become a certified public
accountant. The bride hopes to be
smeared with warm butter and
eaten.
El Barfo the Municipal
Chosen as Speaker
Bill Fold
Staff, Walking Staff
El Barfo the Combustible,
that mirth-provoking bastion of
good humor, has been selected to
be the commencement speaker for
the class of 1989.
A 1972 graduate, El was
nominated because of his dedica-tion
to capitalism and his outstand-ing
taste in clothing. A self styled
"funny guy," he hails from King
of Prussia, Pennsylvania, and has
a perfect driving record. This he
attributes to having never entered
a moving vehicle of any type.
"I know I wasn't the num-ber
one choice," the idiotically
dressed former pervert admitted,
"but when Morton Downey, Jr.,
cancelled out they figured "why the
heck not?' I prefer to think of it as
giving something back to the school
that took most of the money I've
ever made away from me, along
with some really cool Jefferson
Airplane albums and a really swell
Nehru jacket I had that Jimi Hen-drix
once lost his lunch on."
The Humiforous One also
expressed his concern for the chil-dren,
especially those who keep
messing up his backyard.
While most people involved
with the graduation ceremony
prefered not to answer questions
and in fact often walked past with
their shirts pulled up over their
heads, attendance this year is ex-pected
to double. Claims El Barfo's
manager, Luis "Luis"
C!artstan±rieheatgetrjutDfltekitcriaiberg,
"El's act sure isn't what it was
before he got his arm stuck in that
Lady Remington electric shaver.
But that darned goose still puts on
one hell of a show."
El Barfo's goose and com-mon
law wife, Latimer, expressed
his delight at being featured in the
graduation ceremony. "Where I
come from," he said in no particu-lar
language known to man, "it
takes longer than this to find a
good parking spot. Quack."
Object Description
| Title | Mirror - Vol. 13, No. 19 - March 30, 1989 |
| Date | March 30 1989 |
| Description | [PLEASE NOTE: The Morron is the April Fool's issue of the Mirror. The regular edition of the Mirror begins on page 5.] The Mirror (sometimes called the Fairfield Mirror) is the official student newspaper of Fairfield University, and is published weekly during the academic year (September - May). It runs from 1977 - the present; current issues are available online. |
| Notes | A timeline for Fairfield University student newspapers is as follows: The Tentative, Nov. 7, 1947 - Dec. 19, 1947; The Fulcrum, Jan. 9, 1948 - May 20, 1949; The Stag, Sept. 23, 1949 - May 6, 1970; The University Voice, Oct. 1, 1970 - May 11, 1977; The Fairfield Free Press & Review, Sept. 10, 1970 - Apr. 24, 1975; The Fairfield Mirror, Sept. 22, 1977 - present. |
| Type of Document | Newspaper |
| Original Format | Newsprint; color; ill.; 11.5 x 17 in. |
| Digital Specifications | These images exist as archived TIFFs, JPEGs and one or more PDF versions for general use. Digitized by Creekside Digital through the LYRASIS group. |
| Publisher | Fairfield University |
| Place of Publication | Fairfield, Conn. |
| Source | Fairfield University Archives and Special Collections |
| Copyright Information | Fairfield University reserves all rights to this resource which is provided here for educational and/or non-commercial purposes only. |
| Identifier | MIR19890330 |
Description
| Title | Page 1 |
| SearchData | TEENAGERS FROM MARS VISIT JULIE HALL! The ^airfieldVJeekiy 'World. (Mdtional'Enquirer Examiner Star Sun Times Leader Journal SentinaC (Dispatch ^[ezvs Courier Post Register Times Herald,, Etc., Etc. Infinity inal 9{ezvs (Register Morron March, 30 1989 April Fool's Lampoon Issue Free, as ifyou deserved it MARTIAN SPACE-SHIPS LAND IN OAKROOM Aliens Invade FUSA Office - And Leave Two Headed Baby! Exclusive pix inside! STUDENT FALLS IN LOVE WITH WORLD'S LARGEST BREADSTICK - AND MARRIES IT! Sez friends just can't understand "crummy" Hubie mm relationship Staff Writer In a surprise move that sure as heck caught me with my pants down, Fairfield Universityjunior Chris "Buster" Brown fulfilled his engagement obligations to a two-story Stella Doro breadstick. The two had been seeing each other regularly since they met last year at the baked goods depart-ment of a local Shop & Spend. Claims Buster, "I almost hate to admit it, but she's the loaf of my life. I've never kneaded anyone like this before." Both ofthe crusty lovebirds had their share of troubles along the way. "My parents were always afraid that I'd make some half-baked decision when it came to choosing a mate," said Stella as she picked a poppy seed off her face, "but as long as I'm the home-maker and he's the bread winner, my folks should be happy." Buster's parents were somewhat less understanding of the hot-crossed lovers. Their only com-ment at press time was "Our son is going out with a piece of bread." The reception will be held this Saturday at Our Lady of Per-petual Leavening School of Culi-nary Arts and Accounting, begin-ning at 3:00 and continuing until golden brown. "I'd feel like a big heal if I didn't make her mine while she's still hot out ofthe oven. I think she's the greatest thing since - well, you know what I mean." The couple plan to spend their honeymoon loafing around in Puerto Rico. Afterwards, thegroom hopes to become a certified public accountant. The bride hopes to be smeared with warm butter and eaten. El Barfo the Municipal Chosen as Speaker Bill Fold Staff, Walking Staff El Barfo the Combustible, that mirth-provoking bastion of good humor, has been selected to be the commencement speaker for the class of 1989. A 1972 graduate, El was nominated because of his dedica-tion to capitalism and his outstand-ing taste in clothing. A self styled "funny guy," he hails from King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, and has a perfect driving record. This he attributes to having never entered a moving vehicle of any type. "I know I wasn't the num-ber one choice," the idiotically dressed former pervert admitted, "but when Morton Downey, Jr., cancelled out they figured "why the heck not?' I prefer to think of it as giving something back to the school that took most of the money I've ever made away from me, along with some really cool Jefferson Airplane albums and a really swell Nehru jacket I had that Jimi Hen-drix once lost his lunch on." The Humiforous One also expressed his concern for the chil-dren, especially those who keep messing up his backyard. While most people involved with the graduation ceremony prefered not to answer questions and in fact often walked past with their shirts pulled up over their heads, attendance this year is ex-pected to double. Claims El Barfo's manager, Luis "Luis" C!artstan±rieheatgetrjutDfltekitcriaiberg, "El's act sure isn't what it was before he got his arm stuck in that Lady Remington electric shaver. But that darned goose still puts on one hell of a show." El Barfo's goose and com-mon law wife, Latimer, expressed his delight at being featured in the graduation ceremony. "Where I come from," he said in no particu-lar language known to man, "it takes longer than this to find a good parking spot. Quack." |